Jun. 4th, 2013 11:49 am
sephirajo: (a kiss for the prince)
Yesterday, I got the best news I've gotten in a very, very long while. Those of you who have known me and followed me for years or even have started recently might be aware of my long battle with the courts in order to get on disability for my lupus and fibro, both of which keep me from working.

I know they do because while this case was underway, I even tried to hold down a job and ended up catching every little bug that came through the office and got pink eye three times. There's nothing quite like having a compromised immune system.

So, yesterday, when a letter showed up on my porch I was almost afraid to open it. In fact, the first thing I saw when I opened the letter was the appeal information and I was almost crushed right there. Then I looked up a bit and saw Notice of Decision - Fully Favorable. I called my lawyer's office and they confirmed they had gotten the letter too and it meant what I thought it did. My social security had been approved by the Judge. My years long legal battle with the government in having to "prove" that I'm sick is over!

And not just that, the decision states my disability started back in 2009 - I was told to expect that at most it would only go back a year or so. For the judge to reach it back that far is almost totally unheard of. This means once they figure out how much I'm getting a month, my back payments will go back to November 2009.

There's some amazing legal take down of the State's "experts" in the judge's decision. The take down was a thing of beauty, but I'm not going to transcribe the letter here.

With this off my shoulders I should hopefully be around more. Not having to stress out about my court case is... I feel a bit better already. Not suddenly and magically healthy, obviously. I hurt like hell today. But mentally in a bit better place!


Chuck and I did some math last night and before the lawyers fees, if the 880 I was originally quoted still stands, we're looking somewhere around 36000. I can't even.
sephirajo: (Light of a fading star)
Well, don't know what to say really right now. Typing is hard right now. My hands are spasming. I haven't been able to write anything. Want to be able to write stuff, but yeah. I can't put my foot forward in anything, I'm just terrified to.

So yeah. That's all I had. I can't think through the muscle spasms right now. I fail at everything.


Nov. 17th, 2012 02:16 am
sephirajo: (Tsunade Bloody)
Well, first post to the dreamwidth version of this journal, so let's see how well this works and if this cross posts. First off, the changes in weather are really messing with me. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. When Chuck took me out for lunch earlier today I was crying in the car because it hurt so bad.

People in SWTOR today managed to make me feel like shit for looking for a tank for a group. I do think there is something wrong with me when it comes to interacting with other people, I just can't do it. I also haven't written a word in days and I think my inbox may be eating messages as well, so yeah.

I want to interact with people but I have no idea how to fucking do it. I just fail at this type of stuff and I can't help but to think back on the people who went out of their way to tell me how unwelcome I was in places and wonder if they were right.

I think I'm going to curl up in my corner for awhile. My corner is warm and has M&Ms.
sephirajo: (Ino chibi)
Click me for a climpse of what my illness can be like and what people have to go through.

I'm going to be culling my friends list shortly. I use this for a sounding board for a lot of things, but mostly as a safe place to rant about my health. My husband, despite having a livejournal account doesn't really read these. So this has always given me a place to unload without worrying my husband. Things will sound dark, bleak, possibly emo, but my illness is not an easy one. It's not just fibro. It's not just lupus. Only someone else with extremes in health problems can really understand this. So I'm done trying to cater to understanding. Everyone is welcome to think of me what they will for the content here, but damn it, I'm going to do what I've wanted to do and unload.

Rules: if it's under a cut and the cutline is a subject you don't want to hear about? Don't. Read. It. The tags "woe is jo", "lupus" and "fibro" are generally going to have some venting in it. If it bothers you, don't read it. I am not trolling for anyone's sympathy (and I know saying that makes it suspect). This is a place Chuck doesn't read where I don't have to scare the hell out of him so I can smile and tell him I'm fine. I need this and I can't afford (nor do I want) therapy. So there you have it.

Now, if you haven't please go read The Spoon Theory.

And browse www.butyoudontlooksick.com Which is a very good reference for people who have chornic illnesses and people wanting to learn what it's like.

I'm back up and in opperation. I need the daily dump.

sephirajo: (Bethoveen Trashes Hotel)
Me playing. I don't know how much Chuck got or the quality of it, as I've been fighting off racking bouts of pain all day. I could really use... something. Time to gut one log I've been sitting on and then decide on a day for Dori stuff, I suppose.

Also: Find Zombieland Icons.


Aug. 3rd, 2009 03:49 pm
sephirajo: (Default)
At work. Hurting. Girly issues may be involved, will post more on that later. Mom is meddling in my marriage again.

I hate that.

Finished my challenge entry for the kamishibai board on time, yay! Wordless story, ftw. Though I don't think I'll win, I am actually proud of what I did. It's not often I'm really proud of my work. One of my issues: I think I suck (and not in the happy funtime way.)

Anyway, back to work. Lots of tooth pain, should email dentist. Wasn't able to eat lunch, things are tasting like salt again.

Will have screens of the wordless story up later.
sephirajo: (Default)
Hurty and at work for another hour. Stuck driving Chuck's car. Do not like Chuck's car.

Wish I had something more than tylenol. That'd be nice. So very nice.

At least I'm at work.


Jun. 18th, 2009 01:26 pm
sephirajo: (Strangely enough I have this conversatio)
Day...wow, three at mom's. John stole my laptop yesterday as part of his way to show his feelings about us being here. It was unceremoniously tossed in a cubbie hole that was damn near impossible to open.

I got my tooth fixed yesterday. The downside is now everything tastes like clove and the flavor is making me sick to my stomach.

Our power's still out. And yeah. At this point, I'm wondering if we'll be able to go home. We're waiting on something that will take two weeks to get here. None of us have our rooms right now so we kept getting woken up by Vivi who was demanding things in the middle of the night.

Given what a few people have said to me, I'm going to put up a new filter on my LJ. If you don't mind my ranting on the bad days, comment here and you'll be on the filter. No one comments, this journal is going to have a lot more personal locked entries.

I'm out another day of work today because for two days in a row I wasn't able to take my flexeril. I can barely move day. It's broiling here and Mom has no Air Conditioning. I'm just... yeah.


May. 6th, 2009 12:34 pm
sephirajo: (Sword to Throat Angry)
Well, I managed to clean myself into a fibro fit last night. I came home, Chuck promptly left for his martial arts class and took Vivi to her babysitter and I cleaned like a mad woman.

The result? I'm home today, hurting like hell.

Yesterday at work was pretty interesting, though. One of the managers (the one who pushed the panic buttons to 'see what they sounded like') tried to get me fired for browsing X-Project on my lunch. At first he thought it was facebook. I explained that no, it is not face book. It's like a writing message board. The thing is he didn't come over and ask quietly, he stood about four feet from my desk and loudly said, "WHY JO, I HOPE THAT ISN'T FACE BOOK!" and everyone turned and looked.

I looked back at him and calmly explained, "No, it's a writing group and message board. Mark," my immediate supervisor, "has already cleared it."

"WELL I DON'T THINK THAT'S OKAY!" he said, and ran off to check with Mark as I was just there headdesking and work!Will reminded me that Martin (or Marteeeeeeeeeeeeen as he likes to be called - I don't think he has a right to be that as he has no accent mark and is NOT Mexican, but Danish/German/American Mutt) is a few cards short of a hand.

About five minutes later (and I could hear Mark ripping him a new one for these five minutes) he comes over, stands right next to me and quietly apologizes.

I was so tempted to go, "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" But I really don't think it was worth it.

But work was hell yesterday. And I'm ouching bad now.

At work!

Apr. 30th, 2009 10:35 am
sephirajo: (Z Grins)
Can you believe it? I'm actually at work. I'm feeling decent enough today. I'm still hurting, still in pain, but it's not the bone splitting madness that it was earlier this week.

I should write things. And catch up on posts - on my lunch for the latter, I think. But yeah.


Yay for having a not being a total painball!


Right now, I will totally take any and all offers for rp writing too, since when I'm not in bone splitting pain I can actually think. Imagine that, being able to think.
sephirajo: (Snape)

I'm in huge amounts of pain right now and I have an hour before I can take my pain meds. I need something to do that doesn't require too much thought. Like little drabbles or simple RP scenes or something.


To the few of you I owe rp stuff, I am working on, just slow. Because yay, distraction.

One on one talking also works, no way in hell I could follow chats right now.
sephirajo: (On a Full Moon)
...Has been an illness related hell. I'm still sitting on a couple of logs, I think... I'm not sure so whoever I may owe the posting of something, ping me? Anyway, I'm finally starting to get over the cold from hell. The deafness/congestion and coughing hit really hard again today and went to see a NP.

She listened to me better than the doctor did and gave me cough syrup instead of telling me to use honey, agreed that I have a cold, not allergies but gave me an inhaler recognizing that breathing problems are really common with my two conditions. She also refilled my percoset for me after I told her it was for my cramps and when my fibro acts up. And, you know, she listened. Something the doctor from hell didn't. The doctor from hell the other week insisted that my problem was my cat and that I had to get rid of my cat and I wouldn't be truly healthy until I did so, got a neti pot and started eating all natural foods.

If it wasn't for the fact that my sinuses felt like they were filled with burning oil when I saw him I think I would've kicked him in his balls. Especially when he kept saying, "you're a healthy young woman." I did convince him to give me antibiotics though. Which likely staved off a sinus infection. I get a lot of these.

Either way, I'm feeling a lot better and I don't expect to be missing work anymore this month. I've said that before, though, so let's see how this goes. As far as Mass this week goes, I'll be around all day Sunday. I have to go to Saturday Night mass because, quite simply, lilies are my kryptonite only without the cool glowing and junk.

We're supposed to, in theory, get the money from Dad's last paycheck/30 days paid vacation/yearly bonus soon. I'll believe it when I see it. We did send the paperwork on the way. The boys are estimating 11k a person, and it'd be nice.

But I'll believe it when I see it. I have very little faith in things. I find if I'm pessimistic I can't be upset by anything anymore. I mean, quite a few things lately have just turned out for the worse. On the 3rd of April it was two years since we found Erika.

I miss her a lot. And I miss Dad so much. Le sigh.

I do have quite a lot to update on, but I will do all that later. I have a few plot ideas swimming in my head... hopefully I'll get those down. And short and long stories... And Chuck has to get his depekote levels tomorrow.

But anyway, now a meme. I stole this from [livejournal.com profile] nute.

Books/reading Meme )
sephirajo: (Default)
At home.

Exhausted and bored.

My life sucks at the moment.
sephirajo: (yahtzee gun at the head)
I'm hovering somewhere between 'fine' and 'depressed.' I have twenty dollars for the next two weeks, bills coming due and yeah.

We sent off the affidavit of beneficiary for Dad's last check and his bonus. It will be split three ways. Of course, we have no idea how long this will take and how long it will be. So, things are going to be interesting for awhile.

Chuck wants me to go on disability. I really don't want to. Then what would I do? Sit around all day and soak up my pain? Fuck no. It's not like his bio-polar disorder where it's bad enough to distrupt how you react to things sometimes...

It's not the same freaking thing. Chuck says I have too much pride. *sigh*

I don't know how we're going to get through the next few days. But I'll send Chuck to the food shelf for that... if we can get stuff like that... the rest of my money can go to gas. :/

I... am thinking of getting a new job. I love my job but if I could get something like at comcast with the pay being a bit more and a night-ish shift... that might be a bit easier for me? Maybe.

I want to try to get another job, but there's no way I could hold two jobs.

What I would love to do would be to go back to school, but I don't see that ever happening.

I miss Dad too... that's making me sick. It's amazing how much stress can fuck with both the lupus and the fibro. To the point where it hurts to wear clothes. The other peeps on my Flist who deal with this know just what I'm talking about.

I was going to say something else, but one, I can't remember what it was and two I don't want to worry anyone. The fits of just staring off into nothing are getting worse.

I want to try to write some of my original stuff before my brains go down the tubes completely. But I... can't stand my own writing. It's like it's missing something... Nothing ever seems right to me. I worry about my RP writing too, if it's up to snuff.

And now I'm just rambling. Long story short: I'm broke, paranoid, self loathing, slightly depressed and in pain.

I want to hear Dad use the line from Big Trouble in Little China once more. Just once more. Since he always adapted it to us...

Fang, you were not put on this Earth to get it.

Ah Dad. I really don't get it. So you, and that creepy old Chinese guy, were right.


sephirajo: (Default)
Sephira jo

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