sephirajo: (Fragile... must be italin.)
Okay, I have a few minutes before I have to leave for work. (A bit of good news, I missed my account metric by one yesterday, so that's good.)

ETA: This just applies to writing communities. Especially ones that say they're there for feedback. The offending coms will remain unnamed. I realize this wasn't totally clear earlier. ^.^ I know peeps read what I tack up here and I bounce people for feedback over AIM if I need it. :3

In case this gets a bit emo. Also: Feedback and me. )

And now, for the uncut part of this.
*giggles*

Uncut. Yeah, I'm four today.

I am seriously getting to the point where I'm going to stop posting fiction and writing, be it fan or original ANYWHERE. A, as in one and singular, sort of acknowledgment would be nice.

I think it's almost sort of sad when I get more feedback on a board for a select group of maybe thirty people that constitute an entire reading community than I do when posting to an LJ writing com or anywhere else.

This wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't see everyone else get slathered in comments like butter.

How does this work? Seriously?

...Which makes me want apple butter, damnit, now I'm hungry.
sephirajo: (I love hot sexy sith lords)
Sounds like the perfect day, don't it? Yeah, today's Valentines day and I'm still more or less stuck in bed. We're going to try to get a baby sitter and go out for a just-us dinner later, but we'll see how that goes. By we, I of course mean the hubby and I.

I'm still feeling really shitty, but we'll see.

And yeah. I'm also thinking a lot about RP Wank lately. I haven't been in much of it. I avoid wank like the plague, and I will tell you why.

You people think you have bad wank? )

And that's my two cents on the wank issue. This is non-game specific by the way. Or, I guess you could say this applies to every game I'm in. But more to one's I've been in longer.

And that's the end of that rant.

Now I will attempt to amuse my bedridden self. Possibly with Street Fighter or Soul Cal. Mmm, fighting games.
sephirajo: (The Sith Code)
Blargh.

Made it to work today. Despite the wind chill, and despite feeling like crap. Cut for those who don't like health issues )

My reasons for making it in to work aren't really office solidarity or anything like that. Unless I miss my guess, the last Testament comes out today, and if I don't pick it up and get it scanned in, I will incur the Wrath of Dad.

Which is like the Wrath of Khan, only with less screaming.

...Wait, no, it's about the same actually.

Other than that... I'm just exhausted. Want to write something but no ideas as to what. Anyone with ideas? Poke here.

And stuff.

And/or help keep me awake? I could use that.

*sigh* Sometimes I wonder if I belong some of the places I'm at. x___x I'm not nearly as awesome as people seem to think I am. Or very good at all, really. But that's a different story.

I am hurty Jo.

Sucks to be me. You know, unless something good is happening. Then it's pretty awesome.

Oh, and I present for your amusement a Craig's List Add!

Ninja Car! )
sephirajo: (Skeltor - idiots)
Cut because it's really a rant and not directed at anyone on my Friend's list. But more at people around where I live in general.

Really, it's not THAT hard... )

*yawn*

Dec. 31st, 2008 10:30 am
sephirajo: (I tripple dog dare you!)
Well, made it to work today. However, Work Will is leaving early which shoots down my plan of kidnapping him for lunch.

I want to punch someone here too, she sits at a distance that's impossible to hear my music from and complained to my boss saying, "When I moved, I prayed I wouldn't have to hear her music anymore, but now it's even louder."

She sits two, three cubes down the way.

First off, come to me. Secondly? You're hearing someone else's fucking music, you moron.

Third, I need it to drown you idiots out and make it through the day without percosetting myself half to death to glaze over you, work!Charles' and Shelia's talks about the END OF TIMES. And how people who aren't true Christian are heading to hell.

Which to you guys includes everyone BUT you guys. I passage comes to mind whenever you guys get going... what is it? Oh yeah, take the damn splinter out of your own eyes first.

Yeah, I'm angry.

I'm still hurting though, so that's part of the reason. Today I was reminded everyone living in Minnesota is functionally insane as it was -14 below when I went to work.

Cold enough to freeze my hands through my mittens, and to really, really make your face freeze that way if you're dumb enough to go out with it wet.

I wanna nap. And that is all. At least I have tomorrow off. Yay offness!

...?

Sep. 18th, 2008 10:46 am
sephirajo: (Gaara - wolves)
Am I the only one who looked at the animated Avengers Next (or was it Next Avengers?) movie and said, "Wow, this sounds stupid."?

Everyone keeps saying its cute and fluffy and I can't get over the premise, which does absolutely nothing for me.

Which is kind of funny, given I help run a game for kids of canon characters...

A couple of the pairings they brought up on the back just didn't sit right and it seemed more like an attempt to get me to empty more of my wallet at Marvel without really trying.

...Also, when it comes to Super Hero stuff, I take my cute in doses that border none to miniscule. I mean, overly cute. And when everyone keeps saying, "It's really cute/sweet/precious," it doesn't do anything to sell it to me.

Little Johnny beating up the killer Robots is not supposed to be cute/sweet/precious. It's supposed to be kick ass and cool.

It just gets me to go, "Uh huh, I'll go grab some sugar and a funnel then and get the same effect."

There's my daily rant.

That I don't do daily. I blame the schools.
sephirajo: (Cursed)
The following post contains whinning, ranting, and not so fuzzy things. )

In other news, can anyone translate this post someone left me on a message board?

i like you whe nyour a Sore Moron, it betten the nwhen your a Sore-on (i made a funny)

I don't speak moron.

...

Dec. 6th, 2006 10:54 pm
sephirajo: (NOOOOOO~!  The sexiest word of them all.)
I got into another accident tonight. This one will most likely be decided to be my fault.

This leaves me carless, mostly cashless and out of work for a couple days. I don't know what I did, but apparently Karma hates me. Heh. "Car"ma. Me or the baby.

This week was going so good too.

And I had the budget planned out perfectly.

Chuck and I are now carless and up shit creek without a paddle.

And randomly... someone at work complained about me wearing perfume. I can't wear perfume... My boss also thought this was funny, he knows how allergic I am to that stuff.

I feel like an idiot and it really raises the urge to curl up somewhere and die.

But my baby's okay - so that's better.

Fuck this.

Oct. 21st, 2006 12:05 am
sephirajo: (Dexter Hush)
Fuck this, I don't need this shit.

I post a rant on BRPS, that I admitted was a rant, that I admitted that there should be rants about me and people... DAYS after the fucking fact start tearing into me.

Yeah, this REALLY makes me want to go back to the game, you mother fuckers.

Let me boil down my life for you as it is right now in nice little points.

Point: I'm pregnant, and it keeps me sick, in pain, tired and moody. I admitted I was wrong in several places in the comments.
Point: My husband is ill. Not like oh no the flu ill, but OMG we don't know what the hell is wrong and he could possibly be dying ill. He got CAT scans done and we're waiting to hear back on them. This does NOT make me easier to deal with. Sorry. I hope he's not dying. And I hope they can fix this...as KIDNEY FAILURE (which he may have) is often fatal if they don't treat it time! Lucky me! I could be a window before I'm thirty, oh FUCKING JOY!
Point: We are so broke right now that we're lucky if we can afford food half the time. You know, so broke you have to weigh the scales and decide if you want to be hungry or be able to have enough gas to get to work. And not just occasionally, but ALL THE TIME.
Point: I am NOT the only one who had a problem on this board! It's NOT JUST ME!
Point: I did try to ping mods to get things going. After awhile, when things don't roll, I have a bad habit of saying 'screw this' and walking away. Yes I know I'm a bad gamer, and there should be posts about me here. In fact, I've said as much in comment threads.
Point: I'm a 25 year old wife, expectant mother, family taxi, desk slave, with more problems than I want right now. My husband could be dying, my father IS dying and you know what, I really didn't need all this drama, kthanks bye.
Point: By not mentioning names I was trying to not to start a bitch fit. Well, that obviously failed.
Point: THERE WERE GOOD GAMERS ON THE BOARD AND I'M STILL GREATFUL TO EVERYONE OF THEM, THANK YOU!
Point: Thank you everyone for the wonderful 'warm fuzzies' during a time which I kind of needed them. To avoid being melodramatic I won't say what I normally would here, but you know what... I don't give a flying fuck.

From now on I will follow my little brother's approach to multi-fandom games that try to take themselves seriously.

1. Get a friend.
2. Play the snipers from Enemy at the Gates.
3. Kill all the other characters from a distance.
4. If there's a Ron Weasly in the game leave him alive to let him suffer.

bad day

Sep. 20th, 2006 10:02 pm
sephirajo: (Snape)
My day fucking sucked. I woke up late - got out the door late, and then had to scrape the frost off my windows with my work badge. That didn't work so well, so until the windows defrosted I was stuck looking out the frosted window RIGHT into the sun most of the way to work.

I made it to work on time (barely) and hoped to the fridge, where I keep my toaster strudels. Strawberry. You know, the tasty kind with the frosting. I pick up my box. The one with MY name on it, open it up, and from FOUR pastries there is ONE left and NO frosting packets! Someone ATE my toaster strudels and they didn't even leave me a frosting packet for the one they did leave!!

And my box had my name on it! WTF!? Not only that, but someone's been drinking my milk as well. (Which also has my name on it.)

I also find out that people have been taking stuff off of my desk! I was only gone TWO DAYS. And my stapler was gone. And people have been going through my file drawers...

What's with people!

I also forgot a bowl for my lunch so I had to go out. And people tried to run me down in the parking lot...

Horrible day...

Emo check!

Sep. 6th, 2006 05:57 pm
sephirajo: (Light of a fading star)
Sometimes I wonder if anyone beyond a handful of people actually read anything on here. I mean, if I posted that I had been covered with leaches and dying a very sucky death would anyone say anything? Then again, could I even type when covered with said leaches?

I'm hungry.

Chuck's not here.

His car needs over 600$ of work, we're behind on payments for both cars, and now we think we may have to file for bankruptcy.

I was thinking of starting up a journal just for my writing, but what's the point if no one even reads it on this one?

With the way I feel some days, if it's true that babies pick up on their mom's emotional state, I'm going to have one fucked up little kid.

And when he's older and all rebellious and depressed and stuff and asks why he's like that, I'll be able to tell him, "Because your mom had the burning urge to shoot herself for unrelated reasons when carrying you."

I don't like me. But I think I have plenty of reasons for that.

Stupid attention whore complex.

P.S.

Dear "Uncle" Joey,
Fuck you and stop sending us shit! I don't want you sending my husband birthday cards, and if you send me one I will respond by sending a mail bomb designed to blow off your privates. (Or what a "man" of your tastes must have.)

Thinking of you makes me want to do bad things to both you and myself. So stop it.

No more letters. No more emails, no more ANYTHING.

Nothing. Stop it. I don't know where you got the idea that it was okay to keep in contact with me, but you can go choke on something. Please go choke on something. I've always wanted to dance on a casket and it might as well be yours.

*Dead Jo*

Aug. 4th, 2006 06:55 pm
sephirajo: (Sit down and stfu!)
Well, today is shaping up just swimmingly. /rampant sarcasm. I'm tired as hell, and I had to pick something up for my husband. He insisted. A comic based on Clive Barker's The Thief of Always. Right now, I'm so pissed off at having to do that that I could chuck it down the toilet without a second thought.

It's hot outside. I worked all day. And despite having three days off in a row my husband did not sort the laundry as I asked him to and has complained via email about lack of clothes to wear and how he'd like me to do laundry this weekend.

Hello, I'm tired. Not just mildly tired, but omg!fucking tired. I almost fell asleep driving home - TWICE! And I have to go pick up my husband tonight from work. And though this will make me sound like a bitch and be TMI for almost everyone, if he comes asking for 'maritals' tonight, he's going to be sleeping on the fucking balcony, because I'm not in the mood. As if the swearing wasn't a clue enough.

I also think one of the girls at work hates me now because I beat her out for a different position. An opening came up in the Post Sale department, which is a lot easier, and more varied and interesting than the Post Repo department (which I'm currently in.) Not only have I been there longer than her, but I found out that the lady who had the job found out I was taking it decided that instead of training me for two weeks like she's supposed to, that she'd just leave today.

So on Monday it's sink or swim in a new department that I know only a bare minimum about. The little prep girl - who's a nice enough kid, don't get me wrong - was giving me death glares all afternoon. I admit I pumped my offer with a bit of a bribe. When I move over to the post sale, my Boss, who sits next to me, gets a double cube, which he needs for extra folders. Some bribe, huh?

If she knew what I knew about the other lady just leaving, I doubt she'd be so angry. At least there's another guy in that department so I won't be sinking or swimming on my own.

But right now, I think I'm going to go somewhere to DIE.

I'm tired, and I want chili. Real fucking chili, but we don't have the moneys for it. I might make chuck take me to Boca Chica which is right by his work anyway. Good Mexican food... like Grandma's.

Me die now.

*dies*

In other more happy news, my molestor of an uncle, the one who thinks he loves me, had his house burn down (the second one, I should tip off an arson line...) AND he broke his ankle. YAY KARMA.
sephirajo: (zuko-iroh-cherry blossoms)
My li'l sister was over last night. I don't know how late she stayed using our connection to foster her music collection, but when my husband went to bed at two she was still here. I half expected to find her crashed on the couch. Is it wrong for me to say, despite her brushes with substances I wouldn't touch with a ten mile pole, that I am totally fucking jealous of my sister?

She always has money. She's really beautiful where I'm just pudgy and dog faced, she's an awesome artist and her writing makes mine look like bad!fic. In fact, compared to all my siblings my talents kind of pan out to second rate. John's a human calculator, and on top of that uses that math skill to make his guitar playing into something more like a science. My little brother Adam can pluck the tune for songs out after just hearing them once, the back melodies too. (My sister can also do this.) Sometimes, I feel like the idiot in a family of geniuses. Like I'm the one that's here so everyone else can look better. I suck, on so many levels, that it's not even funny. And since I know none of my family reads this thing, I feel safe saying this in a public entry.

Then, there's my step daughter. I don't know if I'm expecting too much of an eight year old when I don't expect her to sulk for an hour when we tell her no. When I expect her to be able to bathe herself without making a mess or when I expect no fight over a ten o'clock (an overly generous) bedtime. At the same age not only was I able to bathe and shower myself without making that much of a mess, but I was also responsible for my two younger siblings (John wasn't born yet) and their well being and caretaking. And I remember Mom constantly telling me what a horrible job I was doing.

Now, I wonder.

I've moved from the omg!must vomit phase to only slightly sick in the mornings and now ravenous every other time of day. It's crazy and not really all that fun, either.

Oh well. I suppose I should finish being emo now. But honestly, I feel kind of worthless...
sephirajo: (Fuck You Voldy - love Regulus)
Well, a short update, or long as the case may be. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow, I had to schedule it with another clinic because the one I had it scheduled for wouldn't see me due to seven year old medical bills. Which would've been nice to know in advance, you know? So I scheduled with another clinic and got the after noon off of work to go in and get all checked up.

Life's been kind of slow and I've been really, really tired beyond all belief. I get to a point in the night where it's like hitting a brick wall. And wham, down I go. Out of the count and all of that. Other than that, life goes. I work, I'm broke and have all matter of stuff happen. Like the restaurant romp last night where I wanted to beat the Hostess at the Olive Garden off of 10 in Coon Rapids with a stick.

Honestly, it should not take half an hour to seat someone on a somewhat slow night just because they need a high chair. This hostess seemed convinced everywhere they would put us would make a fire hazard. I think she was just being a bitch. On our way back to no mans land when we finally FORCED them to seat us I saw at least three tables where they could've gotten us and Jack's high chair in just fine. (Jack is my goddaughter.)

Instead where do they shuffle us? They shuffle us off to the employee area of the restaurant! No fucking kidding, you could see the break table and the table where they wrapped napkins around silverware and all that stuff.

All the other employee's who walked by the place looked over at us like what the fuck are they doing there?. A waitress came up, and I think she may have been a manager and she asked if we'd been helped - this was after about six minutes of just sitting there - we told her no and she looked livid. She said she'd be back in a moment and she went off and then I heard her screaming at the two hostess chicks. I didn't hear all that much but parts of it included, "Are you guys fucking stupid?!" "We don't sit people back THERE!" "No one's ASSAIGNED to that area!" and "There are at least ten tables out HERE you could've put them."

And then she took it upon herself to serve us. And damn, she was quick. I felt sorry for her, she looked frazzled and every time she walked away from our table you could tell she wanted to strangle someone.

We gave her a large tip and she was the only good thing about that night was the waitress, Jamie.

I wanted to beat everyone else to death with the bread sticks.

If they weren't so darn tasty.

Pwnd

May. 8th, 2006 07:36 pm
sephirajo: (Subaru)
When it comes to being fucked - I truly take the cake in so many ways.

1. I'm working over time again, another fifty-one hour week.

2. I have a killer fucking migraine right now and I'm still allergic to the one thing my doctor was kind enough to prescribe to me.

3. I'm behind on my car payments.

4. Chuck and I have five dollars to last us until Friday, when we will most likely have LESS and not MORE depending on how everything works out with his paycheck.

5. I had something to put here, but I can't think right now... stupid migraine. Oh yeah - STILL not pregnant.

6. People at my work are idiots. I got an email today for someone asking if it was okay to sell a vehicle in an account I was working on...when the okay to sell date was clearly noted in the account.

7. I'm about ready to keel over, I can feel it. It feels anti-fuzzy.

8. I'm hungry, tired, and my dog is an asshat.

9. I fail at life in general sometimes.

10. I'm fucked. No ifs ands or buts about it, I am really and truly fucked.

With that, ladies and gentlemen... good night.
sephirajo: (F_ _ _ ing soap)
So, that Chuck and I took Bear to a trainer about a week and a half ago, and she gave his this new spike collar, put it on his neck very tight and sent us on our merry way with few directions on how to actually USE said collar.

Yesterday, Chuck notices the dog smells kind of funny and keeps scratching so goes to take a look. And our dog has HOLES in his NECK. That are infected and puss filled. He freaked, called me at work, I freaked, left early, and we took our dog to the vet. If we thought the wounds looked bad under his fur, we were crying when they shaved the hair off his neck to get a good look at the wounds.

They were deep, puss filled, infected holes in his neck. Bear had been acting normal - besides the scratching and being really thirsty. If Chuck hadn't checked him out, we might not have known anything thing was wrong until he keeled over. The Vet said she sees these types of injuries all the time. All and all, we spent two hundred dollars getting him checked up yesterday. We tried to forward the Vet bill to the trainer - who now says she told us to take it off when we were using it, and apparently told my husband - very nonchalantly, "And don't worry about those injuries, they happen."

So, not only do I feel like a bad doggy parent... I want to make this bitch of a trainer wear the collar she gave us for the dog. Justice, you know?

Fucking bitch.
sephirajo: (Jaina Solo)
So... yeah. Here I am... just totally sitting here.

And things.

Randomly: I wish I could find an RP to let my Harley muse run loose where I wouldn't have to also play the Joker. Since Harley's reactions are totally based on Joker, it's no fun to have to do them both, it takes the mystery out of it. And Harley is... well... just awesome. Damn, even an AIM rp would be great. >____>

Then again, I also have my Talia muse. Xd But she doesn't like to cause Chaos like my Harle.

In other news, I'm thinking no one is going to take any of my challenges on [livejournal.com profile] fst. It shouldn't bother me as there was over ten pages of requests, so there are a lot of challenges not being taken. But still, I was kind of looking forward to seeing if anyone would take any of those, and I guess the answer is no. *sigh* That's what I get for having esoteric tastes. So what if my fandoms aren't as popular? They're still cool.

I'm going to try to get some writing done today, we'll see if anything comes of it. I wish I had more rp buddies, but I do love the ones I have. Of course, being an RP whore makes me feel like I bother people with it occasionally, but... I talked that over with another one of my friends and she helped me out a bit with that issue.

Oh yes, I am issue city.

And I think I scared you guys all away with my tired posting.

C'est la vie.

ARGH!

Mar. 13th, 2006 08:30 am
sephirajo: (Fucks no americans!)
Between car and snow and roads, I have an unintental snow day. Fuck you Minnesota!

Bad Jo

Feb. 15th, 2006 06:31 pm
sephirajo: (C'mon kid!!!)
Yeah, Jo hasn't been updating her journal that often, but in my defense of defenses... Well, I had nothing.  I do have a kind of bad migraine though, makes typing sort of a bitch.

Also, I've been randomly annoyed by things all week.  Like this girl at work who comes up and whispers, not TALKS, WHISPERS to my boss and sobs softly, just quietly enough so I know they're talking, but so I have no idea what they're saying.  And it annoys the fuck out of me.  Why does that annoy me?  It's not that I want to know what they're talking about, I don't.  But if it's so damned private that you have to talk like that, take the conversation somewhere equally private, where I don't have to be distracted by whispers of doom.

Two: This lady I sent a "ha ha you're stupid and we got your car" letter to actually requested the IN WRITING documentation of how we calculated how much she was behind.  We've never had to do it before, not even my boss knows how to do it.  If I could write a free form letter back to this anal retentive bitch it would read something like the following:

Dear Anally Retentive Cunt Bag,
We calculated your deficiency (mental notwithstanding) by adding up all the payments you were too much of a dumb bitch to pay. (Yes, even though your obligation is discharged by bankruptcy, you still do have to pay if you want to keep secured collateral, go figure!)  Then, we added in the late fees that were added on because of your asshatted late paymentness, finally, we topped it all off with the wonderful fees we had to pay the company that jacked your car for us.  Which, by the way, we are able to legally collect since we did send you a letter warning you that we were going to jack your car, Ms. Cunt Bag.

Thank You,
Jo 'Hates Anal Retentive Bitches' R.


In other news, I had a good dream about a week ago.  I dreamt my uncle; those of you who know me know which one I'm talking about, committed suicide.  And I was happy.  It was a good dream.
And, that's it.  I will have to catch up on my friends list later.  But I will do so, I promise.
sephirajo: (Light of a fading star)
Called in sick to work today, due to cramps.  My period this month is kinda weird, but I bet it's the new pill I'm on.  And I bet that was TMI for all of you, but I don't care. *evil laughter*

Today, Chuck and I bought a couple games.  Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects and DDRMAX.  I have DDR Extreme, I just wanted more songs.  Though, I swear I shall beat endless mode in Extreme yet.  *shakes fist at game*  I tried it the other night, because I can't stand the flashing "new" next to something in a video game menu, so I figured, "I'll try it and most likely tank in three levels, and then it won't flash anymore!"  I made it to level sixty-something before I tanked... I was so close to the end I could taste it, and now, I must destroy endless mode.  I must pwn it in its little arrow moving world.  And it shall die.  And it will be crunchy.

And then, I will unlock everything there is to unlock on Max. 

The Marvel game is pretty spiffy, it's not quite what we thought it was, it's more like The Bouncer, but since both chuck and I liked the Bouncer there's really not a problem with that.  The main problem we have is with unlocking everything.  We have Venom now, so chuck's happy.  I want to play as Magneto... Electra and Storm just don't do it for me... and that Wink chick is just creepy.  Besides, Magneto pwns souls.  You know it.  I know it.  It is the universal truth as written in the marvel bible: Magneto Pwns your soul.

THE POWER OF MAGNETISM COMPELS YOU! (Can I get a witness?!)

I got a review on my fic "Mountain" (Fandom: Naruto, pairing: KakaSaku) that is the sole reason I really didn't want to post an author's note.  But then, I realized, that most people would want to know why a fic hasn't been worked on, so I gave them an author's note letting readers who aren't my friends (I hear a horrible rumor that these people do exist XD) what was going on with my life and why I haven't been ficing lately...

I got this pleasant review:

xxxx                  2005-09-18          id # 2035412146
for posting chapter three like that, DIE! just DIE!


What Mr. XXXX doesn't seem to realize is that if I DIE, just DIE! I won't be able to write the damn fic.  I'm fucking sorry I broke your little bubble, but I just wanted to let the intelligent people know why I haven't been able to write anymore, and what was upcoming for the future.  And I normally wouldn't let out about that, it just really annoys me when someone thinks they can pass judgment on me for a fanfic.  God damn.  Grow the fuck up.

In other news, I was having a conversation with Chuck the other day, regarding when I was sick when we were learning how to drive semi trucks.  This was back around the time I started the journal. (And I had to pay to get an accesses code, because I didn't know anyone with accesses codes, in fact, I think I gave these codes to people on the Battousai/Kaoru mailing list who asked for them....)

Anyway... back on track... I had gotten what I had assumed was a nasty bug shortly after my Aunt Jenny's wedding.  Sore throat, coughing, fever, the works.  This went on with good days and bad days for the better part of a three months.  On bad days, Chuck said (I don't remember much of this) all I would do was: Sleep, wake up, use the bathroom, cough until I vomited, try to eat something, vomit again, and then go back to sleep.  On other days I was somewhat functional.  We used a barrage of medicine to try to control this (because we couldn't afford a doctor.)  Until finally, for some reason I don't remember Chuck says I told him to take me into a hospital.

Oh yeah, I think I called mom, and she told us to go...

Anyway, I get there...  They take one look at me, and I end up in an emergency room.  Now, I don't remember much of what happened at the hospital, other than Chuck never left my side... but he tells it like this.

First thing they did, was give me a bunch of shots (of penicillin... do you know how sick you have to be these days before they give you a shot of it?), and some ivs.  A testament to how ill I was: I am terrified of needles, and under normal circumstances I would've gone down kicking and screaming before I let them stick me with an IV.  But according to chuck I just kind of sat there as they stared dripping in two separate IVs...fluids and nutrients, I think.

Then, I guess the doctor told Chuck, "It's a good thing you brought her in tonight, a few more days of this and she would've died."

Apparently, I was a few steps from death and I never even knew it.  Had I not gone into the doctor, I most likely would've died in my sleep of a quiet little lung infection that didn't seem like a big deal to me at the time, because I wasn't aware enough to notice how bad it was...

It's strange, to know at a point in your life (you're very young life, I was only 21) that you were dying... no, not dying, one step from dead.  Thinking back, it didn't feel like I was dying, or the feelings one would associate with death.  I wasn't in pain (except when I was coughing), nor was I hallucinating from the fever (it just made me tired.)  I was lucid a lot; even though I don't remember a good deal of what happened down there... it was more like... just a quiet slipping away.

Chuck has said since then, "If I had lost you back then, I never would've forgiven myself.  I wouldn't be able to function, to think... to live."

It’s something that makes me wonder, with our wedding coming up... if something out there really tried it's damnedest to push us together. (Not that I'm complaining.)

Anyway, thus ends my tired rambles for the night...

Doin' it old school,

Sephira jo

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Sephira jo

July 2014

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